


Kindly calm me down

by sleeepdeprived (orphan_account)



Series: Our love through lyrics [1]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, But alec's in love with magnus so all good, Confused Alec, Kindly calm me down by megan trainor, M/M, Malec, POV Alec, Pre-Episode: s01e12 Malec, a little bit angst just a tinch, confused feelings, forst one on ao3 LEZ GO DUDZ, oblivious babies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 22:49:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21216332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sleeepdeprived
Summary: Pre epidose s1 e12; Laying in bed alone, I am marrying lydia tomorrow because that's the right thing to do... right? But then why is the warlock stuck in head? Why do I want him here... with me right now? Why?





	Kindly calm me down

  
_So cold, alone_  
_Could you be my blanket?_  
_(Surround my bones)_  
_When my heart feels naked_  
_No strength, too weak_  
_I could use some saving_  
_And you're love's so strong_

Everyone's so demanding, always asking for something. It all can be very overwhelming sometimes, being a shadowhunter. Keeping up with everyone's expectations, with my parents expectations, who expect me to marry The head of the institute, Be the good leader they want me to be.

It can be very exhausting.

Right now I lie down on my bed, Alone. Thinking about you, when I know I shouldn't, when I know it's wrong, When I know there is no scope for us.

For a warlock and a shadowhunter.

When i know i'll have to marry lydia tomorrow and spend all my life alone, Pretending to be someone i'm not.

But I can't get you out of my head, since the day we met at your party. The way you spoke, that wink of yours, that flirty smile of yours, your hypnotising eyes, the way you called me 'pretty boy', it all had my heart skip a beat. You make my heart skip a beat.

I remember the warmth of your hand from when you held my hand to take my strength. I can still feel that lingering touch of your body leaning against mine. I want to feel it again.

I want to feel the warmth of your lips, the warmth of your arms wrapped around me, holding me tight, Making me forget about my worries, making me forget about this world and lose myself in you. I want to feel you, I want you.

I feel weak, helpless, cold, alone. Can you just come here and hold me close?

__  
_Like a pill I take it, I take it, I take it_  
_Like a pill, your love, I take it_  
_I take it, I take it_  
_Like a pill, your love, I take it!_

I know it's wrong, I know I shouldn't but I feel like i'm falling for you, falling hard for you.

I can't help it. Maybe I want to, Maybe I want to fall in love with you, To be in love with you.

I want to feel your love, I want to accept that I feel what you feel for me... I guess you feel for me.

But I can't, Even though how bad I want to, I can't. And I hate it. Hate it that I can't.

'cause you're magical, enchanting, stunning, stupendous. You're everything I need, Everything I desire.

__  
_When my world gets loud, could you make it quiet down?_  
_When my head, it pounds, could you turn down all the sound?_  
_If I lay in pain, by my side would you stay?_  
_If I need you now, would you kindly calm me down?_  
_Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, would you kindly calm me down?_

  
I don't want to marry her tomorrow, I don't want to pretend anymore. I hate living like this, I hate myself like this.

A part of me wants you to just magic it all. Make it easy like you always do. Can't you just come and take me away from here?

Tomorrow when I marry her, A part of me wants you to come and save me, save me From a life of loneliness, solitude.

A part of me wants you to come here right now and embrace me. Can't you please clutch me tight? Can't you please hug me close? 

A part of me wants you to please kiss me. 

__  
_When my heart's not pure_  
_Would you kill my disease?_  
_And when there's no cure_  
_You are just what I need_  
_When I lose my mind_  
_Would you still remind me?_  
_When I'm feeling lost_  
_Would you come and find me?___

_ __ _

I know I've been pushing you away, but can't you understand that I have too? because If I don't I'll end up giving my heart to you.

maybe I already have.

I feel helpless, powerless. Will you come and make me realise who I am? Will you come and help me be the real me?

I feel lost, misplaced. Will you come and help me find myself again? Even after all I've said to you, Even after I've brushed you away.

Will you come and love me?

__  
_I'd take it, I would take it_  
_Like a pill, your love I take it_  
_I take it, I take it_  
_Like a pill, your love, I take it_

I don't know if you'll ever get this letter. This will probably end up crumbled in the dustbin and in my heart as one of my memories. As one of my regrets, Regret that you never got to know how I really feel.

You'd maybe end up as one of my sweet memories.

I don't know if I'll ever find the courage to tell you all this. I maybe never would.

But If you do read this, If I do tell you, then know that if I could've I would've kissed you the day we met, I would've clutched on to you the day we met.

If I could I'd hold you close right now, I would've embraced you right now.

If I could I'd never let you go, Never let you leave.

______  
_When my world gets loud, could you make it quiet down?_  
_When my head, it pounds, could you turn down all the sound?_  
If I lay in pain, by my side would you stay?  
_If I need you now, would you kindly calm me down?_  
_Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh, would you kindly calm me down?_

__

  
If I could Magnus bane, I would've openly given my heart to you.

If I could I would've loved you Magnus bane.

_  
would you kindly calm me down?_

  
_________

**Author's Note:**

> First one ao3! Hope y'allz like it, if you do.. leave a kudos and a comment! Will appreciate it <3
> 
> Mistakes are all mine 
> 
> and no I dont own any of these characters, they belong to failflop and cc... or the song (its kindly calm me down my megan trainor LUV IT!)


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